There is a mood I feel sometimes
sometimes I feel as though I should not be here
that it is only a matter of time
it is usually when I'm happy or at peace.
I feel I am a ghost
disconnected
I live in a place I have lived my whole life
and I still bump into the walls while walking through the doors
at least once a day
they never move
perhaps it is the walls way of telling me I shouldn't be here
perhaps they are bumping into me?
Like a bully passing me in a hall
and when you drop your books they say
'sorry'
while walking away
smirking to their friends
I have never hated an apology more than in those moments.
When I am happy or at peace
I remember that everyone must leave
and I feel frightened all the time
because one day they'll leave
and I know these walls will hold no sympathy
they will be cruel
and silent.
I talk to so many sick people where I work
I talk to many who are old
I talk to people who talk of death
and I come home
and every cough
and every pain
reminds me
and when I am happy or at peace
I am very sad.