And They Were Gone

I wonder if you wrote it first
or typed it
I wonder if you typed it
and left it up there
for me to discover it subtlety when I turned it all on
and my culled tabs popped up.

I wonder if if that was the case
how nervous you might have been
that I wouldn't find it
so you wrote it up
and then told me about it
twice.

Thank you
but it was your blog that I clicked on first
and it was that poem I went to
and now I have two
read twice
in two formats.

I heard you writing it
I woke up a little after I heard the front door slam
and I thought you were drawing something
so I tried to stay still
because it can be difficult drawing something
you thought would stay still
but changes
out of your control.

And when you stopped
and I began to wake up properly
I saw you hover in the door
uncertain
unsure
but prepared to leave
and you did.

I expected you to come back
perhaps she needed some milk
but I woke up properly
and the house was dark
and everyone was gone.

I was waiting for him to return
and I heard him
and I was awake
and I did nothing because I assumed nothing would change
and I would have time
for a goodnight kiss
and I would have time to put you to bed
and I would see you both in the morning.

But I woke up
and I walked around the silent house
and it was dark
and full of absence
and he was asleep
and you were gone
and I missed everyone.

I prepared for bed
hoping a little he would awake
but expecting nothing
and I went to the bathroom
and I had some water
and I went to bed
and I went to sleep
and I heard his voice
in my sleep
and I woke up
and he was gone.

And I sometimes wonder
if it's all really worth it
to simply end up forgetting it anyway.

The grass is always greener.
But it's still just grass.

The Doctor Told Me

My doctor told me I need to talk to him in a few months
when I mentioned my mood swings
20% of the population suffer from mental illness at some point
he said.

He mentioned anti-depressants.
I'm not sure about that...

I felt irrationally sad later,
but I wasn't sure if it was because he said that
or if I really do need some help.

My mum said she cried all the time when she was my age,
she said it as though it were normal.
I'm not sure about that...

Sometimes I'm happy
and sometimes I'm sad
everyone gets that.

Does everyone sleep in?
Do they prefer sleep to reality?
Do people stop going out because it's easier to do nothing at all?
If you don't leave the house, nothing bad can happen.

If I don't leave the house
then strangers won't keep telling me they just want to be friends.

If I don't leave the house
then I won't have to be afraid.

I don't know anything at all.