Somebody loves me.

If you get a chance, try existing for a while. Just a while. It doesn't have to be long, perhaps ten minutes or half an hour and in that time just exist. Don't do anything else, simply be aware that all you have to do is exist and take pleasure in that for a while. This sensation is felt best when it's dark, under the folds of many blankets on a night when you're drifting off in a way that is much more pleasurable than other nights. Things seem a little more comfortable and warm and safe and the burden insomnia is yesterday and the things you have to do are tomorrow but now all that you must do is exist in this moment and you are able to be in this moment without distraction or pain or discomfort. Simply experience your existence in a state where all that you can do or should do is lye down and fade into deep nothing. 

People From My Past Popping Up in Strange Places and Remembering My Name

It put me out.

The Internet

Allusions to God-like symptoms.

Autumn is the saddest season
not because of the rain
or the clouds
it's the light
the most beautiful soft, golden light
opens itself up
and mimics the dying leaves
I don't know why that light is so sad
perhaps the beauty of it
reminds me death
my grandfather died in Autumn
all those years ago
my first boyfriend broke up with me in Autumn
all that time ago
my birthday's in Autumn
I've never been very happy on my birthday
the light reminds me of something fading
of new beginnings
of leaving things behind
change always feels sad.

Sad Sort of Sunday

There is a sadness and a happiness which comes with everything
like a cold Autumn afternoon, perhaps a Sunday
where every now and then, the sun peaks through and casts a light so beautiful
and then it fades
and the colour of cold Autumn is back
but with a memory of light
and the light is beautiful
but it is sad because you know it has to go
and then the cold Autumn gloom is a little sad
but it is beautiful because that kind of light
only comes on these cold Autumn Sunday's.

The mess in my room
is leaking out the door
I found a glove
inching towards the hallway
on a pilgrimage
or a sea change
from the bustle of a chaotic order
trying to find somewhere
that isn't occupied by a boot
or a jumper
things it doesn't get on with
I wonder why its partner wasn't there as well?
the mess in my room is getting complicated.
END.


Further Ideas:

I received a letter of Alimony for a Ms. Glove the other day

Why Did You Have To Be High?

I finally saw you today
  but you weren't there.

Hello cold air

a hot tea

a bath

does nothing to drown your sorrows

a book

a light song

feel like echoes in your wake

nothing penetrates you

cold air

your hollowness prevails today

My home isn't my home
it never was my home
it will never be my home
I need a home
more than anything I need a home
that's my home.

I can't always control where my mind goes
and I had hoped that somehow you could be there to still it
because you do
but there's always something
something in the way
and I can't escape my circumstance
or my mind
I can't escape with you
I can't get on my path yet
and I feel better in motion
this stagnant frustration
is making me think
I'm better off on my own.

You replace everything that isn't there.