When you start to miss the things
that piss you off about a person
then you know you're in trouble.

The Oracle was Confused

it's all in your head
this strange sense of dread
has no place in the spread
draw another card
she said.

My cameras lay dead
lost in the folds of doubt

I know I'm becoming boring
and I can't stop it
like a tsunami of sop

I'm not used to this.

Every time



I check


the dates



they say





he's not here.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder as they say
he said

so I said
distance fucks you up more like.

Will this Love Ever End?

When in love, there is no other state of being but to be in love,

There is nothing else to do but to be in love

No other face is visible, but the face of love

It is an anxious boredom

An exciting insomnia

The days in between the days of seeing your love are non existent

They are gaps in the world of love

When you see your love it is the purpose of your world, of your being

It is a filling sensation

As though a sieve has been turned into a bowel

And the eyes of love are like glass

Transparent and absent and yet full,

Full of the memories of love

And the head of love is dizzying

Like hard dirt pressing into the sides and filling it

Love is drunk

It is a chemical alteration

As though some substance has been taken

It is a trip or a stupor that has no end

It is a fun time with no come down

Like Ritalin, it keeps you awake long after you have wished for sleep

It’s a ride that you can’t get off

It becomes a part of you, a state you have to live in now

You learn to deal with love

You familiarize yourself with this rose tinted curse

You come to terms with the idea that his face is all you will ever see again

His smell is the only thing that you can sleep by

His embrace replaces meals

And his kiss is like water in the midst of a hangover.

When he holds your hand it is as though the goal of your life has been fulfilled and there is nothing left to do but be held.

To love and to be loved

And to know you are loved

And to know that he knows he is loved

And everything else is a wash of water color

Blurred and undefined.

And little by little

You remember the life you had before love

The things you found important

And you go back to them

But they seem lost amidst this world of love

They are shadowy outlines

Difficult to grasp

Through the haze of love

And with enough time

The shadows become more lucid

They gradually turn opaque

And now the world of love has grown

And the map is larger

And the life you lead before entering the world of love

Is now a part of this new world  

And you remember your other loves

And you know there is more than one kind of love

And you know there is more to do than love

So you go back to your other loves

And you begin to write about them

And you write about love.

I Am In Love

I am in love

And the spiders are breeding in my room

I am in love

And the underwear I have already worn lays draped across the floor, across books; smothering my room with the scent of sexual frustration.

It reeks.

I am in love

And everything is new and fresh and clear and everything is sick.

I am in love

And my stomach churns.

I am in love

As the papers pile up and the letters do not get read and the phone calls are not made and the computer does not get fixed and the photographs are not taken and the words are not written and the thoughts are scattered and the free radicals are eroding them and the candles burn as the music is played and the longing burns as the drinking is done and the paranoia and the sickness and the turmoil

as the spiders breed. 

Georgia. You're not like the other girls.

Five Descriptions Of What Happens When You're In Love

1)  When our naked bodies are lying upon each other I feel a melting sensation, not an emotional sensation but a physical one. It is as though our skin is merging or that the atoms in a bodies are in the exact place to form a bond. Like a diamond, it is as though our guts are melding into one another.

2)  When we kiss and I stop kissing you I immediately forget what kissing you is like. I kiss you for hours and hours in the same way or in different ways it doesn't matter. When I stop it is as though all memory of ever being near you is lost and I have to kiss you again.

3)  Your smell is like a blanket.

4)  The way you hold me is like some pill that switches off my head and there is nothing but bliss. You alter my state of being.

5)  In everyone there is a void, or some hole that they feel, and you live there.

I can't stand being in love

I stop living

I don't know what to do with myself

without them

when they're not around

I squirm

nothing seems worthwhile

and I would drop anything

if it meant a date.

Being in love is the blues

there's nothing to do any more

but love 

and sometimes be loved back

when I know I will see them again

every day is in the way

until that day

I just can't stand being in love

all my plans are shot

and I just live for them.

I wish I were mad enough

to admit myself to an asylum. 

I'd get to talk about myself all of the time

the conversations would be so enjoyable.