Laugh and the world laughs with you:
Weep, and you're not on your own;
For the sad old earth
Must borrow its mirth,
While your friends won't leave you alone.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is caught in the air;
The echoes bound
To a joyful sound,
But those you love truly do care.
Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and true love won't go;
They want full measure
Of all your pleasure,
But one will carry your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many,
Be sad, and some might fall;
There are none to decline;
Your nectared wine,
But true friends will drink life's gall.
Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and your family come by;
Succeed and give,
And it helps you live,
But your family won't let you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a long and lordly train;
But together as one
We must all file on
Through the wide aisles of pain.
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Tuesday, April 23, 2019
Boringess is Bliss
I always knew I was destined to never lead a boring life.
I've learnt too late that not boring doesn't necessarily mean happy.
I've learnt too late that not boring doesn't necessarily mean happy.
It's All A Bit Much
I'm trying so hard to follow my head and my heart, to interpret what I'm trying to tell myself.
I can't see the future anymore, everything is so confusing I don't know what I want or what's right or true or correct. Everything is stressful. Is he the one? Is he true, is he correct? Is he helping? Is he harming? Am I in love? Have I made the right decisions, am I on the right course? The future is so mysterious to me, I used to know what I wanted so well. It was all so obvious but everything is just sad. Should I go back to the first one? He's familiar, he's safe. He tore me apart but I didn't feel this depressed with him, things were secure, things were safe. Now things are unknown, mysterious. I was so happy now I'm not. I can't find it, the happiness anymore, every day is hard, I'm losing the light. It's fading from me, life is nibbling at me constantly, unrelenting, it's tearing me apart by the seams. I've only ever aimed for what's good and true how does that always end up in people being hurt? I can't figure it out, nothing is working am I a good guy? Am I slipping? Am I fading?
I can't see the future anymore, everything is so confusing I don't know what I want or what's right or true or correct. Everything is stressful. Is he the one? Is he true, is he correct? Is he helping? Is he harming? Am I in love? Have I made the right decisions, am I on the right course? The future is so mysterious to me, I used to know what I wanted so well. It was all so obvious but everything is just sad. Should I go back to the first one? He's familiar, he's safe. He tore me apart but I didn't feel this depressed with him, things were secure, things were safe. Now things are unknown, mysterious. I was so happy now I'm not. I can't find it, the happiness anymore, every day is hard, I'm losing the light. It's fading from me, life is nibbling at me constantly, unrelenting, it's tearing me apart by the seams. I've only ever aimed for what's good and true how does that always end up in people being hurt? I can't figure it out, nothing is working am I a good guy? Am I slipping? Am I fading?
Love Has Torn Us Apart
I wish I loved you.
It was so nice, perfect even. I can't believe I finally found someone with the same ridiculous thought patterns.
I've learnt so much about happiness and love and loss, I wish I didn't have to learn it with you.
I wish we could have stayed perfect, it disintegrated in front of me like trying to catch a sand sculpture.
I dream about you often, more than I think I've ever dreamt of anyone.
The thing I fear the most is that you'll leave my life forever hating me, not understanding why I didn't want what happened to happen.
I remember when I said "I wish I loved you" it saddened me so much when you asked "clearly you don't, why would you wish for what you don't want?" because it so clearly meant you didn't understand me at all. I don't think my reply was right or interpreted well I said "why does anyone want to get high after a comedown?" or something like that. I was trying to explain that loving you was beautiful and amazing and of course I wish I still loved you because I loved loving you but my feelings were swept out from under me like a magician and a table cloth.
Love to me is an external force, it's not something I can control and it moved on from me and you. Now with some time between us it doesn't make much sense, we were so good together it worked so well but I still don't love you. I miss you so much, I do love you but I don't want to be your partner.
I want you around so desperately, I keep thinking of stories you'd love and how I'd tell them to you, I think a lot about your laugh, your smile...
I've lived most of my life without you but I really am struggling to see a future without you in it. It's going to be so difficult and I don't think I can be the person I was without you. There's a piece of myself I think that I gave you while I loved you and when I had to tell you I didn't love you anymore that piece left with you.
I miss you a lot. I really hope it'll be okay to see you again, to have you in my life. I'll understand why it won't be possible but if there's even a small chance of saving the happiness we created when we were in the same room together I would like to fight for it. This world is so miserable and so many unfortunate things happen, I'd really like to aim for keeping the happiness alive where we can.
If I could I would come back to you, I would be with you if it meant I could have you in my life but I know that's not the solution to any of this, that's not what anyone wants.
I hope you come around, I hope you're not suffering too much, I wish I could help you, I wish I could make you laugh again, I'm so good at making you laugh it's one of my favourite things to do. It's killing me that I've hurt you. It really is.
It was so nice, perfect even. I can't believe I finally found someone with the same ridiculous thought patterns.
I've learnt so much about happiness and love and loss, I wish I didn't have to learn it with you.
I wish we could have stayed perfect, it disintegrated in front of me like trying to catch a sand sculpture.
I dream about you often, more than I think I've ever dreamt of anyone.
The thing I fear the most is that you'll leave my life forever hating me, not understanding why I didn't want what happened to happen.
I remember when I said "I wish I loved you" it saddened me so much when you asked "clearly you don't, why would you wish for what you don't want?" because it so clearly meant you didn't understand me at all. I don't think my reply was right or interpreted well I said "why does anyone want to get high after a comedown?" or something like that. I was trying to explain that loving you was beautiful and amazing and of course I wish I still loved you because I loved loving you but my feelings were swept out from under me like a magician and a table cloth.
Love to me is an external force, it's not something I can control and it moved on from me and you. Now with some time between us it doesn't make much sense, we were so good together it worked so well but I still don't love you. I miss you so much, I do love you but I don't want to be your partner.
I want you around so desperately, I keep thinking of stories you'd love and how I'd tell them to you, I think a lot about your laugh, your smile...
I've lived most of my life without you but I really am struggling to see a future without you in it. It's going to be so difficult and I don't think I can be the person I was without you. There's a piece of myself I think that I gave you while I loved you and when I had to tell you I didn't love you anymore that piece left with you.
I miss you a lot. I really hope it'll be okay to see you again, to have you in my life. I'll understand why it won't be possible but if there's even a small chance of saving the happiness we created when we were in the same room together I would like to fight for it. This world is so miserable and so many unfortunate things happen, I'd really like to aim for keeping the happiness alive where we can.
If I could I would come back to you, I would be with you if it meant I could have you in my life but I know that's not the solution to any of this, that's not what anyone wants.
I hope you come around, I hope you're not suffering too much, I wish I could help you, I wish I could make you laugh again, I'm so good at making you laugh it's one of my favourite things to do. It's killing me that I've hurt you. It really is.