He was standing with a microphone
the man who never breathed
He said women are mans greatest weakness
and I walked passed
and I smiled.

And still and still.

Dishes are a funny thing,
everyone approaches them differently with varying attitudes.
Bukowski wrote something really interesting about them until it got extremely sexist, but nobodies perfect.
The kitchen sink is a thing of beauty and horror.

I think I enjoy accidentally hurting myself.
You don't feel the regret if you were to do it on purpose
and physical pain is a much easier sensation to concentrate on than the stuff in your head.

I apologise for everything I've done and everything I'm going to do.

Nobodies perfect
you just need to hope that the imperfections you do get stuck with don't offend people too much.

Stuck in Time

I had another hard time sleeping last night.
My wired thoughts went somewhere strange
like they always do
and I ended up in time.
I was suddenly aware that I was moving through time
constantly
and there was nothing I could do to stop it
shit
I thought
this really sucks
I don't like it, I want something to change
anything
But I couldn't do anything
I'm stuck
Trapped
I'm going to keep going forward
and there's nothing
Nothing I can do.

I don't like repetition. 

You never fall in love with someone you like.

It happened again

it always happens again

I hang out with incredibly interesting, lovely, talented people
and then there's you.

I bet I'll fall in love with a writer
you can quote me on this
but I'm going to end up with a writer
I'll hate it, and I'll damn him
but I'll love him to pieces
and that is what will happen.

I can resist anything

but temptation.

I'm constantly aware of my age and my period in time but that doesn't stop me freaking out anyway.

I'm fucked
basically.

Another cup of coffee and cream
another question
another poem
another drink
another doubt

Oh God. My heads doing that thing again.

All the Time

You know those days
when your mood changes its colors
15 times
and you wonder why
because there's no reason for it?

That's how I feel all the time.

It's all hysteria
confusion
and then it isn't
but really it is
I think.

There's a thing
inside
and it's pent up
and it sighs
it wonders why
and it says
the future is
nigh.

She asked me to help her make eggs.

Poached.

She said she never makes them

I tried to tell her

it's easy I said

Anyway she made them without me

there was a recipe left open on the table

'Poached Eggs'

They came out perfectly she said.

I told you.

My heads everywhere again.

I stirred a murky thick slime
it's waters churning
eating the honey like a suckling babe
it oozed to my lips
and I sipped
it was good.

Another Reason Another Lie

Have you noticed it's really cold in here?
My fingers are stiff
it's hard to type.

I turned the heater on
it's cold in here
did you know?
It takes a while to heat up though
it shoots musk into the air
it's warm but I can't breath.

It's fucking cold in here.
Another reason
not to type.

There's always something.
It's unfortunate
but there's always something.

You Can't

You said.
You are so young
you cannot write the things you do
you cannot pretend to feel.

To which I replied,

If I were on a stage
you would clap your hands
for speaking as someone I have not met.

If I were a painter
they would call me great
for painting a face
I do not know.

If I, an old widow
cried to a song called heartbreak
sung by a virgin
who would question my tears?

If I write about an illness I have never had
and a sick man told me he loved my poems
I would thank him kindly
wish him well
and write another one.

I slid down the bannister of the escalator
just as I always did
just as I always knew
I lost my balance and slipped
I landed at the bottom of the steps
my knee still hurts
and I was grateful
I'll do it better next time.

Drying with a wet towel. 

I can't escape my mind.

I think my neurons have switched
there are connections where
there were none before
the wires have mutated
I will never know who I am
this paranoia
is a little crazy
I don't think I've felt real
for a long time.