It's All A Bit Much

I'm trying so hard to follow my head and my heart, to interpret what I'm trying to tell myself.

I can't see the future anymore, everything is so confusing I don't know what I want or what's right or true or correct. Everything is stressful. Is he the one? Is he true, is he correct? Is he helping? Is he harming? Am I in love? Have I made the right decisions, am I on the right course? The future is so mysterious to me, I used to know what I wanted so well. It was all so obvious but everything is just sad. Should I go back to the first one? He's familiar, he's safe. He tore me apart but I didn't feel this depressed with him, things were secure, things were safe. Now things are unknown, mysterious. I was so happy now I'm not. I can't find it, the happiness anymore, every day is hard, I'm losing the light. It's fading from me, life is nibbling at me constantly, unrelenting, it's tearing me apart by the seams. I've only ever aimed for what's good and true how does that always end up in people being hurt? I can't figure it out, nothing is working am I a good guy? Am I slipping? Am I fading?